you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
