I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
