I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize