I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize