Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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