her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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