Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
