I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
