I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
