i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
