Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
