I want to stick my p in your. b.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
