You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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