he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize