omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
