"it" just moved
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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