Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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