he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize