Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
