It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
