Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
