You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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