I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
