Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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