please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
