the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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