matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
