got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
