It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
