I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
