Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
