I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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