Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
