she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
