Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
