I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
