the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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