I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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