and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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