I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
