I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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