Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
