I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
