if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
