guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
