Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
