Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Rumble strips road head = magical
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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