i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
