I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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