Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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