I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
