I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
