I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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