Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
