She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
