Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
