Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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