Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
