either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
