Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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