are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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