I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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