I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
