Ambien. No doubt about it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
