Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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