the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
