You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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