I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
