I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
