wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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