U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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