She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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