doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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