The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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