im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
