is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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