if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
