we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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